Saturday, September 7, 2013

A little something that occurred.

I game on Sundays. Perhaps a ‘used to’ in between the ‘I’ and ‘game’ would me more appropriate.

I have been ‘forbidden’ from playing that game over the next 6 or so months by the director of my college. I was going to type that ‘forbidden’ isn’t the correct word to use but on second thought, I realized it was.

So, here’s what happened.

I play Dota 2 on Sundays along with a few of my friends. Let’s call them C,B,T, R and A. R quit the game one-two months ago but is still very much a part of this story.

While A and myself play the game only on Sundays (and study fairly well) the same cannot be said for C, B and T. They got so hooked to the game that they began bunking college to play it. For them, it initially was only Sundays.But it grew into something more. They (C,B and T) began playing 2 games every single day after college. They told their parents that they would attend the evening study hours at college and went to play instead.

                The fairy-tale didn’t last very long though. One day, they were spotted on the street by T’s dad who followed them till the gaming centre. From then on, C and T abated playing but B went on.
B began bunking the afternoon session and some days wouldn’t come to college at all just to play the game. Though C and T avoided going with him for a while they couldn’t resist for long. Even they started bunking along with him.

One day, I went to the top floor of my college building to ask the director (who happens to my Physics teacher) a doubt. He was busy talking to some first yearite. So, I waited in the hall-way. That’s when T walked in along with C’s mother. After eavesdropping on the conversation for a bit, I learnt that C had not attended the afternoon session but had not returned home either. It was clearly apparent where he had gone and with whom. Well, then C’s mom started crying and said that she was so angry at the gaming centre that she said that she would probably bring ten people and break it’s glass. All the while, I was in the hallway just listening with a passive face.

                Then I saw her exit. After a few minutes, I was called in. I went in without feeling a thing. I mean,  had no part in this. I never bunked college to play the game nor did I let it interfere a lot with my studies unlike them. There was nothing that could be held against me. I noticed T crying from the side of my eye.
The director asks me ‘Do you play with him(indicating T)?’ I said ‘Yes.’  And a ‘only on Sundays.’ Just to indicate/remind him as I’d told him myself that I played videogames on Sundays a few days back when he asked me what I did on Sundays.

He then asked me ‘Did you know that these fellows bunked college to play the game?’ to which I nodded my head saying ‘Yes.’

He then said something along the lines of ‘They are you playmates. Did you never tell them not to play?’ to which I just shrugged and looked away. When he sensed I wasn’t going to reply he again said ‘They bunk college to go play the game..” which is when T (who was behind me says) ‘It’s not his fault sir.’ I thought ‘Uhm. Yes, of course it’s not my fault. He isn’t saying it is.’ And Sir looked at me to see if I believed what he was saying and greeted by my impassive face he said ‘I’m not saying it is.’ And  ‘All I’m saying is that you need to influence them to not play.’ To which I just shrug because I didn’t have anything to say.

He then told me that C’s mom had just come and cried because her son had bunked college to go play the game. Again, an impassive face from me as I simply didn’t (still don’t though to a lesser degree) feel responsible.

When he (the director) couldn’t elicit any response at all, he got a little agitated and just basically said everything he already did with a voice that exhibited a little disbelief as to how I could be so nonchalant about the matter.

That’s when I said ‘Sometimes we do talk about how much time we spend playing the game. But, it’s just that..”

That’s when another sir(let’s call him B) walks in and the D tells him “Even Adarsh plays with them.” To which B replies ‘Oh. He’s also gone?’ And D tells him ‘No, he isn’t gone. He goes on Sundays only.’ Or something like that. To which B says “ooh. So, that’s where the respectability comes from.” And I just blankly looked at him not understanding what he meant. That’s when he moved across the room and sat down.

D tells him “He doesn’t understand that. He says ‘I tell them not to play but if they play, what’s my fault.’ ”
And then B starts saying something along the lines of..

                When people are in a position of respect, they cannot do things. Like myself and D, we can’t do some things because of the position we are in. Like if Manmohan singh, tomorrow gets into a scandal and stuff I don’t remember. He then said, as a responsible member of society what you do matters.
His point basically was that I couldn’t say I wasn’t responsible and throw a blind eye to the happenings. I was responsible for influencing them. As in, they probably thought ‘Adarsh studies well. He plays video games. Why can’t we?’ or something like that.

I understood the point he was trying to make though I didn’t agree with it 100% and nodded my head.
Then D said, ‘the last time you told me you played I thought it was okay but I’ll have to do something about it now. You’re going to stop playing now or I’ll stop interacting with you.’

It wasn’t like I had much of an option there so I just said ‘fine.’

Also he said “ I’m going to talk with your mother.” To which I said “It isn’t necessary. I’ll stop playing.” But he said ‘No. No. I’ll tell her.’ To which again, I just nodded as there wasn’t much I could do.
And yeah, in between all that, D accepted that I had my situation under control.

Well, T, B and the other guy quit the room and then I asked the doubt I was going to and went home. When I told mom about what occurred.

Anyway, as I thought about the events that occurred that day I realized that I was indeed a good guy and not as bad as D made me think of myself as.

I mean, I always dissuaded R from playing the game as his grades used to be affected. Also, when R said he’ll introduce N to the game, I strongly suggested N to not play the game. Also, when O said he wanted to come with me, I told him to come at his own risk. I never really told B, T and C to not play the game as I didn’t think they would listen to me and I thought they knew what they were getting themselves into.

Anyway, I didn’t mind all that (since as far personal conscience is considered, it is still clean).
But things took a sharp turn yesterday that left me seething with anger.

I was asked my D if any ‘exchange’ of money took place. He basically accused me of ‘gambling’. And when I downright rejected any such reference with a fairly firm voice, he didn’t seem convinced plus, my mom didn’t seem very convinced either. Oh boy. That stung so much. I was so pissed off and still am. The word that’d describe what I was feeling is ‘furious’. It wasn’t the question that hurt as much as the fact that they didn’t seem convinced when I furiously rejected the idea.

Also, D told my mom that ‘I had promised him that I wouldn’t play.’ To which my mom said ‘He didn’t tell me that. He told me what happened but he didn’t tell me he promised.’ To which I raised my voice by a little so that it’ll be audible and said ‘Because I didn’t say. I never said ‘I promise’.’ And D just said ‘That was understood. I mean, I told him that if he plays the game I won’t interact with him. So, that was just like saying that he promised.’ To which I just said ‘Yes, I won’t play.’

Let’s analyze what just happened above.

D believed that it was obvious that if asked to choose between interacting with him and Dota 2, it was obvious that I would choose interacting with him.

Which is true but I didn’t like the way he translated that into me promising him that I wouldn’t play Dota 2.
Well, that is the rational thing to do in this circumstance but I wasn’t a big fan of him being so sure that I’d do that. I have a general distaste for people figuring what I’m thinking for me.

For a second there, I might have actually considered Dota 2 as an option just so that I could prove him wrong. In fact, I’m sure that in some parallel universe, a certain Adarsh actually chose Dota 2 over interacting with him. I mean, I can do stupid stuff to prove myself correct.

                I probably could’ve chosen Dota 2 and not interacted with him over the entire next year and still done equally good in Physics though it’d have taken more effort (provided I can still attend his lectures and that interacting with him only involves asking questions in and after class). I’ll probably be in a spot if he reads the previous statement but I believe that to be true. It’d be a pretty stupid choice and I’d feel bad about the Adarsh in that universe but some part of me would’ve liked that.

Anyway, there’s no use clinging on to the past. What’s done is done. Now, I need to focus on what’s next.

The next 6 months are going to be crucial and I intend on making full use of them (as was the plan always).

With that, I bid adieu.

Until next time,


Edit : I just hit 100 followers.

PS : I already spent 2 hours on this post. Mom just popped in to ask ' In how much more time will you shut it down?' to which I replied '5 minutes.'... I'm really not a big fan of all this intrusiveness all for no real fault of mine. S.P. She keeps popping into my room to see if I'm playing/watching that game.

Not a lot I can do about it now. The most rational thing to do is give in. Just ~250 days more.

Oh and yeah, I'm getting a <1000 rank in the JEE adv - 2014.
(as in, I'm telling you I will.)

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Yes. Yes. I am alive.

Reading through some of the old posts here I realized that I've changed in more ways than one.

For better, or for worse.

"What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare."

Those posts reek of childish enthusiasm that I've long since tasted. I feel like I'm no longer the wide-eyed curious kid I was an year and half ago before entering my college. My eyes have since glazed a bit both figuratively and literally. But then again, in terms of solving multiple choice questions, I'm a lot better than what I was. It has been a trade where it should have been an addition.

I called up some of my school teachers to wish them a happy teacher's day. It felt good, I felt genuinely happy.

There is not a lot to say.

I just wish that this part of my life get's over as quickly as possible and I put in as much effort as I can without trading my individuality for something much more temporary.

With that, I bid adieu.

Until next time,